Narrator: Tonight on Supernanny: Jo meets a father left shattered by the loss of his wife 32 years old to breast cancer.
Gary: It's not like we broke up, you know. She was taken from me.
Narrator: And 3 little boys are adjusting to life without their mother.
Jo: You think about mommy lots and lot?
Michael:I lost all my memories about her!
Narrator: In the struggle to cope with their loss, rules have gone out the window.
Gary: They Fight non-stop, they throw their toys, they run around in the house, they scream.
Narrator: And the boys' behavior is spiraling out of control. Can Jo help dad master the basics?
Jo: You need to apologize and say your sorry for your behavior.
Narrator: And get this family on the road to recovery?
Gary: They don't deserve what's happened to them.
Narrator: Or is the heartbreak too much to heal?
Michael: To me, this is the end of the world!
Jo: I'm in Houston, Texas, ready to help a single father: A widower who has 3 boys and he does need my help. Let's take a look.
Gary: Hi, I'm Gary Evans. I'm 37 years old. I have 3 boys: Michael age 6, Sean age 4, and Dylan recently turned 3. We used to be a family of 5, but about a year ago we lost my wife 32 years old to a battle of breast cancer. Losing Jennifer was very difficult on all of us. She was a stay at home mom and she was the anchor of this family.
Jo: Wow, that's very sad.
Gary: Sean and Dylan were so young they didn't really know what was going on, All of the sudden their mama just wasn't around anymore.
Dylan (looking at picture of Jennifer): And who is that?
Gary: Dylan probably does not have very many memories at all of mom.
Jo: What a situation! That's awful for this man.
Gary: Come on boys, let's run around in the laundry.
Gary: Raising the 3 boys on my own has been very difficult. Jennifer ran the house and I was working full time and didn't see the standard routine with the boys.
Gary: Bath now!
Gary: The stress of being a single parent and the stress of work, I actually had to leave my job because it was just too much for me to handle.
Jo: it's gonna be seriously tough for this father right now!
[Sean and Dylan screaming]
Gary: Fighting has become a major problem in the house. They just fight non-stop.
[Sean and Dylan screaming]
Gary: And the volume can get definitely at times...
[Dylan screams again]
Gary: Sean stop kicking him!
Gary: I'm extremely frustrated with discipline.
Gary: I've tried everything I can think of. Every method I tried has failed.
Jo: My word! Better sort that one out.
Dylan: It's yuck!
Gary: The boys are really not very adventurous eaters.
Sean : I won't eat this!
Gary: it's really difficult for me to introduce healthy foods to them.
Gary: You gotta try it.
Sean: No way.
Gary: Give them the choice they'll choose fast food over a nice balanced meal.
Jo: What a lot of rubbish! Gotta be teaching daddy a trick or two in the kitchen.
Dylan: Dad, I want you to change my diaper.
Gary: Okay, I'll be out in a minute.
Gary: Dylan's not potty trained. Jennifer potty trained Michael and Sean. I was not a part of the potty training, so now with Dylan I don't actually know what to do.
Jo: This is hilarious, he's like a big baby boy bringing you his wipes.
Michael : I'm so mad! I don't want to!
Gary: Life in this house can be extremely stressful.
Michael: STOP IT! NO! CUT IT OUT!
Gary: I felt like I've lost complete control. Supernanny, please, we need your help. We've been through enough in the last few years, we actually need things to get better in this family, right now.
Jo : Gary hold on in there because there is some practical tips coming you're way, I'll see you soon.
Jo visits the Evans Family
Jo: Hello, pleasure to meet you. Good morning, I'm Jo!
Gary: Nice to meet you. Good morning, I'm Gary.
Jo : May I come in?
Gary: Sure you may. This is Dylan.
Jo : Hi, Dylan. [Jo laughing]
Gary: This is Sean.
Jo: Come and shake my hand. Say hi, pleased to meet you. I'm Jo frost
Gary: Michael, are you gonna say hi?
Jo: Hi, Michael, pleasure to meet you.
Michael: Hi, pleased to meet you.
Jo : After meeting the boys, I started to look around the house and I noticed immediately that there was something tacked up on the door.
Jo : Who made the house rules on the wall?
Gary: That was my wife.
Jo: Keep your hands to yourself. Don't throw your toys. No running around in the house. So, how many of these do you think the kids follow now?
Gary: 6 is about half the time. That's it, they slap non-stop, they throw their toys, they run around in the house, they scream.
Gary: We were pretty consistent with rules in the house at first, but with Jen sick, it's been long we've got more and more relaxed with them. These days the rules are not being followed at all.
Michael : Stop it! Leave my..... [grunts]
Jo : Soon, I got to see exactly what dad was talking about.
Gary: Hey, hey, hey, not on the wall.
Sean : Ow! Ow! Ow!
Jo: Clearly dad hasn't made an effort to follow through on discipline with the boys since his wife 32 years old has passed away and this was made very obvious when the subject of lunch time arose.
Gary: What do you want?
Michael: I don't know.
Gary: All right, do you want chicken, white fish sticks, ham sandwich, turkey sandwich, grilled cheese like Dylan? What's wrong, brother?
Michael: I'm not happy right now.
Gary: What's the matter?
Michael: I don't know what I want for lunch.
Gary: You want a beef hot dog, chicken corn dog, quesadillas, chimichangas?
Michael: Aah! You know what? Unh!
Gary: Just turned into probably the worst meltdown I've ever seen Michael have.
[Michael screaming and whining]
Gary: Michael, what is the matter?
Michael: I just don't want......just really want....... [Michael screaming and whining]
Jo: This is quite typical if he doesn't get his own way. He'll kinda go into this.....
Gary: This is beyond anything I've ever seen.
[Michael screaming, whining and crying and groaning]
Jo: Michael went upstairs to his bedroom. I knocked on the door, went in.
Jo: Hi, Michael. It's Jo.
Michael (sobbing): I think I gotta go somewhere where nobody can see me.
Jo: You want to hide?
Michael (sobbing): Yeah.
Jo: I'm looking at your pictures. Who's this lady here?
Sean: That's our mom, she died.
Jo : She died?
Jo: Michael, Sean told me that mommy died, is that true?
Michael (sobbing): Yes.
Jo: You think about mommy lots and lots?
Michael: Yeah. And now to me this is the end of the world. [Crying]
Jo: To hear him open up his heart, to talk about how he feels, you just......you want to take his pain away. You want to be able to make things better for him and the reality is you know good and well that you can't.
Michael : I think I'm gonna get out from under the bed now.
Jo : I think that's a good idea. What was your mommy's name?
Jo: Her name was Jennifer. I was thinking that maybe while I'm here you can talk to me about your mommy.
Michael: Well, I lost all my memories about her.
Jo: And how does that make you feel losing your memories about mommy?
Jo: Do you remember what mommy looks like?
Michael : No, I don't at all.
Jo: And if you could remember any of those or if somebody could tell you stories about those things, do you think that would make you happier?
Jo : Michael is definitely grieving from the loss of his mother and he needs connection, but I don't know if daddy actually realizes that, so I wanted to sit down and talk to Gary because I don't know where he is on his journey travel now.
Gary: Do I feel I have moved on? In a way, um, in a way I'll not ever move on. You know it's not like we got divorced, it's not like we broke up and we were in isolation one from another I mean, you know she was taken from me. She is a part of my life, she'll always be a part of my life, you know and she is their mommy, she'll always be their mom. She was the ultimate mom.
Jo: Were the boys told I mean, what happened?
Gary: They were only told, um like a few days before she passed away and they were just still so young. They never actually understood the permanence of them. You know a long time, Sean would ask me, "When is mommy gonna stop having died?" You know I look at them, I just..... I feel especially knowing how great their mom was with them, you know to feel that they are not in that..... they do not have that anymore. It's just that it.....You know it breaks me down and hurts me. And they don't deserve what's happened to them. [Gary crying] You know it's a mommy that can't be remembered. You know they've lost that and it's definitely they've been robbed. You know they definitely do not deserve that. [Gary crying]
Jo: I want to give a great big hug, come here.
Jo : I lost my own mother to breast cancer at a very young age when I was in my 20s and I know that Gary feels incredibly sorry for his kids because they no longer have their mother around with them, but there are things that do need to change so that this family can move forward and I'm gonna help Gary to do that.
Jo : Gary lost his wife to breast cancer, he's just trying to pick up the pieces, but there are fundementally basics that need to be talked to his boys.
Dylan: Daddy, I peed.
Gary: Yeah, you want a Luvs deluxe blue diaper?
Jo : Dylan's a big 3 year-old and he knows when he needs to go. He grabs the diaper and the wipes.
Gary: Thank you, buddy.
Jo: At 3 years old, Dylan is more than capable of being potty trained, but I don't know if daddy has even tried.
Jo : Is there something you're wanting?
Gary: I have tried like a few times. He's expressed an interest. And he, he typically lets me know when he's ready for a change, but whenever I put him on the potty, he just doesn't do anything.
Jo : You cling to him?
Gary: I'm absolutely ready. I'm.......I'm sick to death of diapers. [Gary laughing]
Jo: I think that daddy is stalling a little bit, had Jennifer been around, she would've taken care of all of this, but now daddy is gonna have to do that.
Gary: Michael, how many white fish sticks do you want?
Gary: Okay. Michael, 2 beef hot dogs?
Michael : Yeah.
Gary: Dylan wanted macaroni and cheese, okay.
Jo : At dinnertime, I saw that daddy does not have a healthy food plan in place. Daddy is just catering to these boys out of the freezer with highly processed food.
Jo : White fish sticks?
Gary: White fish sticks, they all love white fish sticks. Michael loves white fish sticks.
Jo: And the chicken corn dogs.
Gary: Chicken corn dogs, Michael and Sean love, and little mini beef cheeseburgers.
Jo: Oh, right, yeah.
Jo : These kids got used to eating food that we know is really high in fats and sodium and these kids are being fed on that constantly, then how are they actually having a nutritious balanced meal?
Gary: They don't actually eat anything.
Jo : Do the kids eat fruits and vegetables?
Gary: No. I don't know how to prepare vegetables. I've always been a meat and potatoes kind of guy day after day.
Jo : Daddy does need to be educated about the foods he should be giving his kids and actually break this behavior pattern that this family got into, it is rubbish quite frankly.
Dylan (smiling): Daddy, I want jelly beans.
Jo: When it came to dessert, Dylan wanted jelly beans, but then he wanted some candy that was leftover in a Halloween basket.
Dylan (whining): I just don't want jelly beans! I just want trick-or-treat!
Gary: You don't want jelly beans? You already ate your jelly beans.
Jo: So he began to freak out.
Dylan (whining and screaming): I want trick-or-treat!
Dylan (screaming and whining): I want trick-or-treat!
Gary: What did I say? You chose.......
Dylan (whining and crying): I know I want trick-or-treat!
Gary: You chose jelly beans for dessert and you already ate them.
Dylan (whining and screaming): I want trick-or-treat!
Gary: I know.
[Dylan screaming and freaking out]
Jo: He screams and freaks and the next thing, he begins to slap his daddy.
[Dylan slaps Gary]
Gary: You think that's gonna help get what you want?
Gary: Actually, has it ever?
Jo: I'd give daddy credit for staying calm and not caving in to Dylan. Truth of the matter is if he's used to screaming, freaking and slapping to get his own way, then that's inappropriate behavior that's been taught and he needs to realize that that's not acceptable.
Gary: You want to draw and color?
Jo: Gary, I'm gonna leave you for the evening and come back in the morning tomorrow and have a family meeting with you.
Gary: Okay, Jo.
Jo: My condolence is very much shown.
Jo: I think I suppose there's a lot we can do for Gary and the boys, so I'm actually keen to go home and come back tomorrow so that I can share my thoughts with him.
Gary: Hello Jo.
Gary: Hello, how are you?
Gary: I know that she can help me with the issues that I'm having, so I'm just looking forward to hearing her input and how she can help me get things on track with our family.
Jo: A heartfelt situation has us meeting today. One that I can completely relate to and my duty is to be able to look at how you can stand up on your two feet more confident as a parent and actually feel that you are able to achieve what you were supposed to do had Jennifer been here.
Gary: That sounds great to me.
Jo: The first thing I have decided to start with talking about is discipline because it's very important that you do have that in place so that these kids are able to be raised with appropriate behavior and you become adjusted adults in society.
Jo: When Dylan yesterday decided that he was gonna keep slapping you, what you see is the inappropriate behavior spirals out of control becomes worse because it's not being put in hand that that's not appropriate.
Gary: Yeah, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by so much to do with them non-stop then like, "all right, well, this is kind of a minor infraction. Let me not take the 5 minutes to take to discipline them."
Jo: Fundamentally, it's incredibly important it's the difference between, you know having the kids who know the difference between right and wrong.
Jo: And actually making better choices as they grow up into teenagers.
Gary: Now possibly, I definitely see that. It definitely possibly makes sense.
Jo: So, let's second of all move on to potty training. You've got Dylan right now at the age that he is is more than capable. When your kid's coming out and up to, they're basically saying, "Here, take the wipes! Here, take the diaper! Can you sort this out, please?" That's like a bucket of water all over your face like, "Wake up! Can we just get on with this, please? I don't actually want to be wearing these!" You know you're teaching Dylan......
Jo: A life skill, I mean it's in the necessity and it's moving him on in his development, so I think I suppose you just knock on with doing that.
Gary: Sounds great.
Jo: And a third thing is about eating healthy. You and I both know that if your kids to grow up to be healthy and strong as teenagers, the food that you're cooking right now, that's got to go. We got to get to a place where these kids are able to have free healthy meals and they're able to have healthy snacks in between so that they can grow up as young men very healthy level as teenagers.
Gary: Right and that's what I'm looking forward to.
Jo : Which brings me to the fourth and last subject that I do want to talk about and that is the spirit of mommy.
Jo : The spirit of Jen. Michael right now is certainly feeling bereavement. He needs to feel that she is very much still present in his life with regards to the essence of who she was as a lady.
Gary: Right. Now I definitely agree completely with that.
Jo : Yeah, what we could do, not only just for Michael, but I think I suppose for also Sean and Dylan as well and for yourself is that all she did with the boys can keep going and never stop to run through the veins of this house, okay of this family.
Gary: Absolutely. That's sure what I'm looking for.
Jo: Actually, okay.
Jo: Since Gary's wife passed away I know that he hasn't been consistent with regards to discipline and I believe he's felt sorry for the boys because they have been through so much already.
Jo gathers family in the living room, but Sean won't come to the table.
Jo: Sean, come and sit down please.
Jo: But when I decided to get the family around and talk to them, Sean didn't want to listen and I told dad that he would need to step up and put discipline in place.
Jo: So the first thing that's important for you to do is to be able to establish a warning with him, so a warning is come down to a child's' height. It's giving him eye contact and it is having a very firm low toned voice.
Gary: Okay, buddy, you are gonna come in and sit down and if you don't, you're gonna get a timeout.
Sean (whining): No, I know everything about them already.
Gary: No, you don't know.
Jo: I can see that dad was getting dragged into a debate, so I had to step in.
Jo: Look at me, please.
Sean : No.
Jo: All right, you're going into timeout.
Sean (screaming): No! No! No! No!
Jo: You're in timeout because you aren't listening and wouldn't do what you were being asked to do.
Gary: It's been a long time since Sean's had a timeout and he wasn't very happy about it.
Jo: Set the timer. Dylan, come away, because your brother's in timeout because he did not listen, so come away.
Jo: He absolutely screamed his head off, he was so beside himself having a fit that he was in timeout.
Jo: Shall have brought some earplugs, shan't we?
[Sean screaming and freaking out]
Jo: Despite Sean screaming, he did stay in timeout for 4 minutes and it was time for an apology.
Jo: Sean, I put you into timeout because you did not listen to me. You do need to apologize and let know that you're sorry to me.
Sean (turning away from Jo and looking at the wall): I'm sorry!
Jo: He turned around to the wall and very grudgingly said, "Sorry!"
Jo: So that's not an appropriate apology for me, so we'll leave him in there to cool down for a few minutes and then we'll come back.
Gary: On some levels, Sean understood that a major change is about to happen and take place in this life of his own.
Jo: You need to let know that you're sorry to me for this behavior.
Sean (screaming): No!
Sean (screaming): No!
Jo: All right, you're gonna have to stay there, then.
[Sean screaming and crying]
Jo: It was infuriating him that he was still being made and forced to stay there until he could apologize properly.
Michael: Are you going to give Jo-Jo a real apology?
Jo: Michael, we can talk to Sean after he's out of timeout, OK?
Michael: Sean acts a little silly.
Jo: Sean, you do need to let know that you are sorry to me. I'm waiting for you to give me an apology.
Sean (whining): I'll not say I'm sorry until I get a snack.
Jo: You may have to stay there, then.
Gary: It was difficult. He was crying, he's my son and I love him.
[Sean screaming and crying]
Gary: But at the same time, I know deep down that what he did was unacceptable. He knew deep down what he did was unacceptable.
Jo: Sean, you do need to let me know that you are sorry for your behavior.
Sean (taking a deep breath and calming down): I'm sorry.
Jo: Okay, thank you very much. I'd like to give you a hug and a kiss, that's a meaningful apology. Thank you very much.
Jo: And with that, daddy had taken the first step to restoring discipline in his home.
Returning to healthy eating
Jo gathers the family in the living room to discuss healthy eating.
Jo: The next step was to get this whole family eating much more healthier and so much like discipline, I was gonna begin at square 1.
Jo: Here is a chart and written on this chart is some foods that are really healthy for us that it is more important that we have 1 or 2 of every of foods that are in these color blocks, okay?
Sean: I don't like Jo because she makes me to have healthy foods, not beef hot dogs or chicken nuggets.
Jo: So in the red block which says "Protein" daddy, there are things like chicken and fish and ham and then fruits because they give us a lot of vitamins, okay? Can you come up with a fruit?
Dylan: A purple grape.
Jo: Purple grapes, exactly, that's important to have vegetables also. Can anyone think of a vegetable?
Michael: Green broccoli.
Jo: Green broccoli.
Dylan: A green bean.
Jo: A green bean, exactly. Well done, good work, boys.
Gary: They were pointing things out that they already eat like, "Hey, I like that! That's a vegetable! Hey, I like that and that's a carb!"
Jo: But it is important for us to have these blocks throughout the day and sometimes all in 1 meal.
Jo: And now that the boys were actually excited about the food groups, it was time to go out to the grocery store.
Jo: These are orange clementines as a snack, you know.
Gary: Right, right.
Jo: It's a mango, yeah. Any berry.
Gary: These are raspberries.
Jo: Blackberry, blueberry, strawberry, raspberry. We got green zucchini here. These are a different red tomato. Do you know what this white thing is, Frank? It's a white coconut. Go ahead and shake it, see if you can........
Jo: The boys actually got into it, I mean they were seeing things they have never seen before, fresh fruit and veg, white fish, pink salmon.
Jo: Do we have all that was on that color block chart?
All boys (shouting cheerfully): Yeah!
Gary: That's good. I don't know what to do with all of this, but...
Jo: That's a next stage. Now you're gonna learn how to cook it.
Gary learns to cook
Jo: What I'm doing is I'm actually putting the orange carrots in first because...
Gary: It takes the longer.
Jo : It will take the longer, exactly you got it.
Jo: And back at home that night, I taught daddy a very simple recipe that he could just knock up anytime that did include all of those food groups.
Jo : Okay, daddy, you're gonna add that rice dish and throw it in that pot.
Jo : And in just the same amount of time that it would have taken daddy to defrost something from the freezer, he cooked up this really wonderful healthy meal for the kids.
Sean (whining): I was here first.
Gary: Sean, you can sit over here or you can sit next to Michael.
Sean: Whatever it is, it doesn't look good.
Gary: You said it smells good.
Sean (whining): I don't wanna eat it.
Jo: But as soon as the food hit the table.......
Michael (whining): I don't like it!
Jo: The boys all began whining.
Dylan (whining): I don't like it!
Gary: Yes you do, Dylan.
Jo: Good boy, Sean. You see, look, Sean's doing it, well done. Give me five, Michael , that's what I'm talking about!
Jo: And after some convenience, Michael and Sean began to eat and they liked it, but Dylan, he dug in his heels.
Dylan (whining): No, I don't like it!
[Gary making an airplane sound]
Dylan (whining): I don't like it!
Jo: If you whine about this, believe me you will be going into timeout.
Dylan (whining): I don't like it!
Jo: That's your warning.
Dylan: I don't like it.
Jo: Dylan was trying to take a lot of control with the timeout and at that point, Gary needed to step up and show Dylan who was the boss.
Gary: Dylan, come on, get up right now.
Jo: All right so Dylan needs to go into a timeout. Okay, be firm with him, he needs to realize that he cannot get away with it.
Dylan (whining) I don't want a timeout!
Gary: Stay right here.
Dylan (whining): No! I don't want a timeout!
Jo: He needs to go back and you should reset the timer again for 3 minutes.
Dylan (whining, screaming and crying) No! No! I don't want a timeout!
Jo: Dylan put up a fight, but ultimately he stayed there for his full 3 minutes.
[Dylan screaming and crying]
Gary: You're in timeout because you weren't listening to me and wouldn't do what I asked you to do over there. Okay, you need to listen to me, do you understand?
[Dylan takes a deep breath and calms down] Yes.
Gary: You need to eat your dinner, you understand?
Gary: Okay and now what else do you have to say to me?
Dylan: I'm sorry.
Gary: Okay, kiss and hug?
Jo : I like that, Gary.
Gary: You're gonna go eat?
Jo : Afterwards, daddy brought Dylan back to the table where he encouraged all of the boys to eat.
[Dylan smiling] Hey, now I like it.
Jo: Now you like it? It's amazing what a time out can do, Gary. Now he likes the dinner, good boy.
Gary: Very good job, Dylan, it's delicious, right?
Jo: Before Gary's wife Jeniffer had passed away, she had successfully taught the 2 older boys how to be potty-trained and now Dylan is 3 years old and potty time is here.
Jo : Look what we've got here. Hanes big boy pants! Hanes big boy pants!
[Michael and Sean laughing]
Jo : Aw, Hanes big boy pants!
Jo : The first thing we really need to is to get Dylan excited about being potty trained and he was very happy when he realized that he was going to be wearing Hanes big boy underwear.
Gary: Aw, you know what? all of these are falling down already, so I'm gonna take them off.
[Dylan whining and screaming] No!
Jo : But when I said to daddy, "Take the Luvs deluxe blue diaper off, put his Hanes big underwear on", he put up a fight.
[Dylan whining and screaming] No.
Gary: Dylan really was angry about taking his Luvs deluxe blue diaper off and putting his Hanes big boy pants on.
Jo : Just say, "look" you know like, "just quit it. Behave yourself."
[Dylan whining] No.
[Dylan whining] No.
Gary: That's it, all done.
Jo : Once we got Dylan to his Hanes big boy underwear, we just needed to frequently ask him if he needed to go use the bathroom and then wait.
Gary: You have to go pee-pee?
Gary: All right, then, let's go.
Jo : A little while later, Dylan told his daddy that he needed to go take a pee and at that stage I said to daddy to just keep it very casual and just get him to sit on the toilet.
[Dylan whining] Oh, I can't pee.
Gary: You want to sit then?
[Dylan whining] No, I can't pee.
Gary: I think you probably could if you tried.
Jo : But then Dylan suddenly changed his mind.
[Dylan whining] I don't want to sit down.
Gary: Just try it, buddy.
[Dylan whining and screaming] No! No!
Jo : I did not want to turn it into a fight or for daddy to try and force him to go, but it was actually important that Dylan understands this is where he needs to go.
Gary: You need to tell me where poop and pee goes before you can get out of here.
[Dylan whining] I don't know!
Jo : Well, you have to know.
[Dylan whining] I don't know!
Jo : This is the big change and kids will resist at times, but this is where you stand your ground.
[Dylan whining] I'm not gonna pee.
Gary: That's all right. I understand that. You told me that 19 or 24 times.
[Dylan whining] I'm not gonna pee
Jo : See, that to me is just your advice.
Gary: You wanna answer my question?
[Dylan whining and screaming] No!
Gary: He ended up being in there for probably like a good 10 or 15 minutes before he finally relented.
Gary: When you need to go pee-pee or poo-poo, where do we go?
Dylan: In the potty.
[Dylan whining] I just can't pee.
Gary: Okay, you cannot go in your Hanes underwear, if you do it in your Hanes underwear I shall not be happy, you understand that?
[Dylan whining] Yeah.
Jo : Dylan did finally acknowledge that he knew where he needed to go, so now we just got to wait for nature to call and let him follow through on it.
Jo : In the meantime I do have a project for daddy. I know from talking to the boys and Gary an observation, it is incredibly important that we keep his spirit of Alyssa alive and so I've asked daddy to collect photos from his desktop to put onto a DVD to show the whole family.
Jo : Daddy, we can sit like that in the sofa just see different images and just give them one liner about them, you know.
Gary: I absolutely care.
Jo : Gary is a really keen photographer, he's got some amazing photos on his computer.
[ Jo laughing] Love it.
Gary: Once I see, it brings stories back. Now I remember that day completely.
Jo : Daddy made the DVD, but before we had a chance to show the whole family, Dylan had an annoucement.
[Dylan smiling] I gotta go pee.
Gary: Come on down, buddy.
[Dylan whining] I just don't want to pee.
Gary: Dylan, if you can't pee you need to sit for a couple of minutes.
[Dylan whining] I just don't wanna pee!
Gary: All right, well you need to sit for a couple of minutes.
Jo ,: You go and I'll come back and see you in a minute.
Jo : I didn't want Dylan to feel pressured, so I asked daddy, 'just give him a little bit of space and back off" and what do you know as daddy walked away in the kitchen to cool down.
[Dylan smiling] Daddy, I'm pee-peeing!
Gary: Did you pee?
Gary: You did?
[Jo laughing] He'd gone for a pee which was victory obviously.
Jo : You're happy.
Gary: Good job, buddy! You made me so happy.
Jo : Well done, good work, Dylan
[Dylan smiling] I'm a big boy now.
Gary: Flush the toilet. Say, "bye pee-pee."
Dylan: Bye, pee-pee.
Gary: It's the smallest thing, but it's a very proud moment their parents like.
Jo : And on that successful note, I asked daddy to gather the boys around where they could all watch the DVD of mommy and just keep that spirit so much alive.
[Dylan smiling] That was me!
Gary: The white rabbit, the white bunny rabbit.
Dylan: Yeah, that was me.
Gary: 94 degrees out, we spent 2 hours picking blueberries in the summer and Sean and Michael dumped their buckets right in the dirt.
[ Jo laughing]
Gary: That is Michael .
Michael : How many years or months or days old was I then?
Gary: Right about a year.
Jo : Their faces light up and that choked me to watch because Michael would have the smile on his face and you can see that he was thinking about that memory.
Michael : The slideshow helps bring back memories.
Gary: And I know everyone knows this picture.
Michael : With all 5 of us.
Gary: You are right.
Sean: I wanna watch the slideshows with daddy again.
Jo : You know what, it keeps so much the essence the spirit of Alyssa with you guys always.
Jo : As tragic as it is for this family, the........they have lost a loved one to cancer, they have some beautiful memories and that you can't erase.
Jo : I'm gonna be leaving for the next several days and my concerns with Gary is making sure that he can follow through.
Jo : Okay, we're gonna set up some homework for you, following through with the discipline, making sure that we can do a very nutritious healthy meal, potty training.
Gary: The biggest challenge is probably still gonna be discipline and food. I guess we'll see how it's gonna work.
Gary: Thank you very much.
Jo : All right, you are more than welcome, I'll see you in a couple of days.
Jo : And I'll find out if daddy's gonna be able to stick with it when I get back in a few days.
Jo : When I first arrived, the Evans family certainly were grieving for the loss of Jennifer.
Michael : To me, this is the end of the world. [crying]
Gary: They don't deserve what's happened to them. [crying]
This actually had put Gary in a rough situation of not wanting to discipline the boys....
[Sean shouting] Aw, stupid!
[Michael shouting] Shut your mouth before I slap you!
Jo : And it's gonna be actually important for me to see exactly how well Gary has done with his sons whilst I've been away.
Jo : Exciting times you get to have a look at yourself here and the family.
Jo : The first thing I have decided that we are going to take a look at is meals.
[Michael whining] I don't want it.
Gary: Michael , this is the.......this is the beef sausage you love.
[Michael whining] I don't like those red and yellow and green peppers.
Gary: Just try it with the beef sausage, Michael , it's meant to go with red and yellow and green peppers.
[Michael whining] No.
Gary: do you want to wind up going to bed losing your DSI tomorrow night?
[Michael whining] No.
Gary: Are you ready?
[Michael stops whining] Yeah.
[Michael smiling] Actually I do like it. I was wrong again!
[Gary kisses Michael ]
Jo : What I like is you actually said to Michael you know, "do you actually want to be going for a Timeout where this will happen?"
Gary: I just want him to know that there are consequences to him not eating his food.
Jo : And you know that you'll just do that.
Jo : And the kids sensed that and it brings you to the place of being able to set out those scenarios. We know that, do we?
Jo : Which is a lovely place to be. Next let's second of all take a look at the time outs and isolations.
Sean : Stop it, ouch!
[Dylan screaming] No! No!
Sean : Dylan hurt me first, so I hurt him back.
Gary: I gave you a warning before. Next time you messed with Sean, you were getting a time out. Now you do your time out for 3 minutes.
[Dylan whining] No.
[Dylan whining and screaming] No! No!
Gary: As soon as you're done here, you're getting an Timeout .
[Timer on the microwave of the 03 minutes ends]
Gary: What are you sorry for?
Dylan: For hurting Sean .
Gary: You are right. Give me a hug and a kiss.
Michael : I'm done with my raspberries.
Gary: You owe me an Timeout for 4 minutes for slapping Dylan.
[Gary ends the 04 minutes on the timer]
Michael : I'm sorry.
Gary: Sorry for what?
Michael : Slapping Dylan.
Gary: You are right. You need to let know you're sorry to me, too. Give me a hug and kiss, bud.
Jo : So it's good that you're doing a time out and isolation, but both kids are screaming out and freaking out that one of them has done something to another. FIrst things first, bring them both together. Let them both tell you the side of the story, okay? You give them the talk.
Jo : And then you give them the time out and isolation.
Jo : So third, potty training is next.
Dylan: I think I have to go potty.
[Dylan whining] I can't do it.
Gary: You don't need to go right now, is that what you are saying?
[Dylan whining] Yeah.
[Dylan wets his pants]
[Dylan whining] I need a Luvs deluxe blue diaper!
Gary: Where is pee and poop supposed to go?
[Dylan smiling] Um, in the potty.
Gary; Okay, that's one thing to have an accident, Dylan, but this is not an accident. You were just there sitting on the potty and you went upstairs to do this. I'm not happy about it.
[Dylan smiling] Okay, daddy I just want to go potty.
Gary: Right here?
Dylan: Bye bye, pee-pee.
Jo : Perfect, super. I have to say that your voice was absolutely brilliant. Your tone, it was very firm, it wasn't by any means scolding him. It was very much showing you're not happy with this and when he sat on the potty, it was actually nice because he kind of looked up to you, you know like, "hey I've done it!' All right, fourth and last, let's look at spirit of mommy.
Gary: We're gonna make Mama's banana bread.
[Sean laughing] Yeah, whoa banana bread.
Gary: All right, Michael , you just mash away.
Sean : Mash away.
Jo : Love it.
Gary: Okay, Dylan, put the sugar in here. Good job.
Michael : Yep.
[Sean mixes the batter]
Michael : Whoo-hoo! Whoa!
Gary: Is it ready to go?
Michael : Yeah!
Gary: Boys, I think I suppose the banana bread's done.
Sean: Delicious, unh-huh.
Jo : Absolutely fabulous. What brought you to the point about making banana bread?
Gary: She used to make it all the time, um like you know before she passed, so we haven't had it in, you know a year and 1/2 with mommy, a year and 90 days or so. You know it's something she always did with them. She always used to let them mix, you know and actually throw this in and so I may try and did it that way.
Jo . Absolutely fabulous. Well done, you got actually hard and it goes without saying that the results of there because of that, so let's move on to the next level.
Reinforcement, Jo's last day working with the Evans Family
Jo : Daddy has done a fantastic job whilst I've been away so I just wanna take him to the next level where we can just fire his imagination with the boys, so I created a game for them so they could all have fun together.
Jo : You are all space cadets and today you have a mission. Read what the mission is, Michael .
Sean : "Your ship has crashed on alien planet. You must work together to collect all 10 energy rocks to fix your broken engine. You will find hints along the way to lead you to the rocks. Good luck space cadets!"
Jo : Which means you're gonna need to put space outfits on, it means your commando is gonna need to put and outfit on, okay? Follow me, follow me.
Gary: When I saw my costume, I figured, okay I knew it was gonna be something pretty embarassing for me.
Jo : This is our first clue.
Michael : "Go to the backyard to find the first energy rock."
Gary: All right, space cadets, let's go.
Gary: You feel a little silly going through it, but I think I suppose it's good that they see that I support that type of fun.
Sean : I found it!
Gary: Good job, Space Cadet Michael .
Jo : Place the first energy rock on our engine for our space dot here.Sean
: "Here is a clue to find the second and next energy rock. You must work as a team; look behind the alien box that is.......green!" Michael
[Jo claps her hands]
Gary: All right, there's the green alien box. Sean
Jo : I think I suppose it is incredibly important to spot that imagination........
Jo : Be careful, be careful of this planet.
Jo : For them to be able to socialize together as siblings.
Michael : I got it! I found a third clue!
Gary: Good job.
Sean : We found it! It's the fourth clue!
Gary: It was great to do something with the boys and to use our imagination, just see excited with all their voice. It was just super to see.
Jo : You could see daddy was participating in this imaginative plane and actually enjoying it.
Gary: When I open it up, run away quick. Go!
Sean : He found it!
Michael : I found It!
Sean: It was very fun.
Michael : Congratulations! You found all 10 of the energy rocks.
Gary: Sean , hit the ignition. All right, follow me.
Jo : And then daddy led his boys on a space flight through the backyard.
Gary: It was definitely fun doing something like that together. The mission was absolutely a success.
Gary: To the door.
Jo : Mission is all completed.
Jo : Boys, I have something for you.
Jo : These boys have absolutely loved recapping memories of themselves with their mother on a slideshow, but because their grieving, I do want to give them something just a little bit more personal.
Jo : I thought I would give you your own photo album: Michael , Sean and Dylan, this one is yours, so.........
Dylan: That was me crying.
Jo : Look, you're on mommy's shoulders.
Gary: I think I suppose it's a good idea to have their own personal photo album. If their feeling a little sad or you know like just wanna see pictures of their mother, it is super that they can just go grab themselves a book and just flip through pictures of them with their mommy.
Jo : You look like mommy. Yeah, look at mommy's cheeky smile.
[Jo and Patrick laughing]
Michael: They all were perfect.
Sean : That was me.
Jo Says Her Final Goodbye and Says a Last Farewell
Jo : It has been such an absolute pleasure being able to help you and work with you, it actually sure has. [Jo hugs and kisses Gary] Absolute pleasure, thank you so much for everything, Gary.
Gary: It's a travesty and it is sad to see Brenda go. She helped us out and did work with us with so much. The future looks super and good from here on out.
Jo : Bye bye, good luck and godspeed and farewell and I bid you good night, love. [Jo hugs and kisses Michael ]
Sean : I'm gonna miss you.
Jo : Keep in touch, you take care and call me when you need anything I can get for you. I'm gonna miss you, too. [Jo kisses and hugs Frank]
Michael : I'm gonna miss Jo because she was a really nice girl.
Jo : Bye bye, good luck and godspeed and farewell and I bid you good night, darling. Can I have a big hug and a kiss? [Jo hugs and kisses Dylan]
Sean: Bye bye, good luck and godspeed and farewell and I bid you good night, Jo !
Dylan: Bye bye, good luck and godspeed and farewell and I bid you good night, Jo !
Jo : Take care, bye bye, good luck and godspeed and farewell and I bid you good night, Gary.
Gary: So long, good luck and godspeed, farewell and I bid you good night, Jo , thank you.
Jo : I suppose the Evans family are gonna be totally okay. You're gonna take your hat off to a parent who puts that commitment in and that effort and Gary's done that with his family. I positively suppose there is one proud mother looking down from up in the sky up in heaven at her husband and positively her boys.